London, as I know it.

With just over a week to Stockholm, I am back in London getting ready for the transition that is approaching faster than I know it. London has been apart of my life for almost two years, I've grown here, loved here, changed here, worked here, lost here and now I leave here.

As happy as I was to return to Toronto for a 12 day break, the whole time I was there, I just sort of felt like I was coming home to London, back to The Savoy, back to my ex and our life together. It was like nothing before Toronto ever really happened, because every time I've gone back to visit, I've come back to my cozy life here in London.

The more I got together with my friends, gave them an update on the next chapter of my life, Stockholm and life on my own again... The more real everything really started to feel. I hung out with one of my best guy friends a lot while I was home. We've always had this connection about us that just makes me feel like we will forever be able to count on one another because there is just so much love there, so much care and so much respect for one another, I don't really know what I would do without him, and having his insight on the end of my relationship was more than helpful.

We strolled through Mill Pond one afternoon in Richmond Hill, Ontario, we have been there a few times before, and I used to always go as a kid, the sun was shining that afternoon and we went on the swings like a bunch of 8 year olds. He reassured me of my decision of Stockholm, encouraged my independence and really made me feel like no matter the outcome of this experience, how hard it would be, or how happy it would make it, he just let me know that even if it was 2am in Toronto he would try and be there for me, which was a opinion  that all my close friends (the ones I have now known for almost 10 years) all gave and I'm just grateful for that.

I've walked around London a lot the last few days, it seems like a different place for me at the moment, and I think that's because so much of my life here was attached with someone else, that right now when I walk through the streets or go to places we've been together, it feels like something is missing. I know that feeling will pass, I know the next time I come to London I'll feel different, but nothing but time and space really helps you get over anyone.

In light of those looming emotions, I plan on spending time with friends and doing a few things I've always wanted to since living here. The funny thing people keep telling me is "oh you better do as much as you can before you go because you won't be coming back" and the more I hear that the more it fuels that fire, by that I mean I want nothing more than to come back to London one day and call it home for good.

The thing with being this sort of "nomad" person is that you don't really have any roots at a certain point. I guess the argument is that I will always have Toronto and my family and friend there, but I don't have a flat to go back to with all my things I've collected all over the world, I just keep packing up suitcases and moving on and sometimes I look at my life though it be an interesting adventure, I want to settle in the next 3-4 years because I know I'll want to have those roots to build on.

Something about the British culture and the city of London make me feel like this is a place I can call home, and though the uphill battle of visas and immigration will always loom over my head on this situation, I know when the time comes that I want to make the transition back here, I will.

So as I write this in my kitchen in Hammersmith as the sun slowly begins to set on London again, I look forward to embracing the next seven days in this beautiful city, calling it home and reminding myself of who I was before I came to London, and whom I've grown to be now.

I will be setting some new goals for myself in Stockholm, I see a new country as a way to keep building on yourself as a person, and just keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.

See below...