Ten Minutes.

Okay, I swear to you, the last year of my life has literally felt like it has gone by in ten minutes. It feels like as if every month or day has squeezed down into this tiny measurement and it's really added up to, what have I even done?

Two thousand and twelve has actually been incredible. In the last six months alone, I have learned, felt seen and done so much in London. The six months previous to that, I was finishing my degree in International Hotel Management. So maybe 2012 was a huge year for me, as big milestone, maybe that's why it flew by so incredibly fast.

For me, the year changes when my birthday comes, I feel like turning one year older creates a time for self reflection and the big question of "what the hell am I doing?" For myself, this year I asked it a lot, from being in the middle of my program, to moving across the Atlantic, to realizing I did it for someone else, to getting up at 6am to go to the gym... there is a lot of questions we ask ourselves as people, simply because we want to know ... "why?" I think I've said it before, the answer of why or what, just doesn't seem to come immideatly, it comes much after the fact and I think it will always be this way.

In the past few days leading up to my twenty first birthday on Monday December 17, a lot of people around me are saying " wow, to be 21 again" or "slow down, there's no need to rush" or "trust me, I was the same way" the more it makes me giggle at the idea of as much as you tell me to slow down or ease up or realize I'm entitled to actually do nothing, the more I just want to go be something, somewhere and have a bit of a name for myself. 

Life is a constant learning curve, sometimes even a bit of a battle field and well, today I realized at certain points I need to secome to being the twenty one year old self that I am (which is not often). I feel like I need to push myself more, increase my limits, and understand it's quite alright for me to spend 6 months doing silly work in a foreign country because hey, it lets me get a great tan and I enjoy life a little differently.

For myself, a person of such structure, and orgaization and control freak like personality, the only way I can push my limits is to embark on such crazy ideas that literally scare the shit out of me; excuse my language.  At the end of the day, the life I am living and will get to share with friends, family members and one day my future children, has to be one that I'm proud of, excited about and flat out happy I got to experience such adventures.

So maybe the next step ISN'T Toronto, maybe it isn't back home, maybe it's finding a visa to a warm tropical island and working on my tan for 6 months, because I can... 

Two thousand and thirteen will be interesting, exciting and most probably a turning point for myself... but it's a matter of accepting to get off the determination band wagon and letting my inhibitions go a little bit... who knows what might win...