Uh... Which way?

Right. So let me start off by saying, if you asked any of my friends, or anyone who knew me well enough, they would tell you I'm very driven and I more often then not have a plan about where I am heading in life. They are completely right. I'm extremely goal oriented and hate not knowing or having a plan because it makes me feel lost, confused and unsure about where I'm going.

With this being said, in the last month or so, I've come to realize, yes I am lost and wandering and so completely unsure about which path I want to take, or where I want to take it.

The more I spend time away from Toronto, the more I miss it. But the more I stay in London, the more I sort of wonder what I'm actually doing here. Since having left Toronto over a year ago, away for university and now living abroad in London, it's been a real interesting time in my life. I've learned so much about myself, learned a lot about my limits. Being 20 is a really hard age. You're at a cross roads (or atleast I am) of who you should really become. A tleast for myself, I know that I want more responsibility, more independence and at least a job where I can say is just a little bit more important then the one I currently have.

So many people in my travels have told me, slow down, take time to travel and BE 20. I always seem to think to myself, why? What if I want more responsibility, what if I want to become a manager in a year, what if I want to save enough money for a down payment, what if I want to have a serious relationship. 

So much of my life I've spent growing up, being responsible, reliable and resourceful to many people around me, and I think it's just the nature of who I am. So no, I will not BE 20. I will not just wait around, and wander and let routine of just being a server take over my life. 

If I really want to just take a break and travel Europe, I will make the time for that. But more than anything, I just want to sort out which way I'm headed in my career, so I can make a path of how to get there. There are so many ideas in my head of staying in hotels and working in sales, or leaving hotels and working in spirits or wine within sales/marketing.. or perhaps running a few restaurants, I don't know. I do know I want to stay in hospitality. I do know that after London, I want to move back to Toronto, as that's where I want to set up my life. And though I've always talked about traveling and living abroad, I am sure that at some point in my life, I will move again. But for now, Toronto is where I want to head back towards.

I guess, the whole point of what I'm saying, and wondering and thinking about, is how do you decide which path you take? How do you know which one will lead you in being successful? How do you even know what you are doing right now, is going to help you get the places you want to go- that is when you figure out where your going.

For the first time in my life, I have absolutely no idea what I want to do for a living, and it scares the hell out of me.

I think I need to spend some time researching, or doing a little self discover to re-ignite that burning desire I've always had about being decided and determined.

If anyone has any suggestions, please share. 

Those who are lost, are some times looking for a sign of what to do, or where to go... so yes, a sign, a big flashing, neon, in bold letters- sign is what I need.  Right now.