August Rush

Challenges. They're meant to try our emotions, push our limits, make us work harder, but in the end, sometimes they can break us. 

Last week I found out my grandfather had terminal cancer with a tumor the size of a baseball pushing against his lung, additionally he suffered from a heart attack on Thursday morning. With this all happening, it was in my best interest to be on the first plane I could back to Toronto. 

Arriving yesterday made me feel elated, but being here has been so surreal. As I currently sit on the train to Brockville, a trip I have made probably over 100 times, I still can't help but feel like this is the last time ill be making it. 

Today. My heart is heavy with the knowledge of having to face my grandfather today, weak and fading away, I can't help but seem to think that this life challenge is here to push me forward in a new direction. 

My grandfather is a man of wisdom, kindness and full of life lessons. He's been around for 83 years, loved a woman for 54 of them and taught me everything he could for 21 of them. He's been a man to teach me how to make coloured pancakes, comfort me when I'm sad, take me to the lake for a swim, support me through the passing of his beloved wife, stand by me through my college graduation, and support my decision to live abroad. I am so close to him that knowing I'm going to lose him soon is a pain in my heart I don't know how to describe.

I want nothing more than for him to stop hurting and get the chance to see his beloved wife once again. 

These are the moments we go through as people that teach us the devastation of losing someone and how important it is to embrace the time you have and cherish it closely. 

We go through our life planning for tomorrow, hoping for tomorrow and working for tomorrow, when sometimes we only really have today. 

I've learned that family is not something you can choose, so regardless of how close or far you are, or who you sometimes also define as your family, remember to be there for them, support them and be strong with them. 

And as I come full circle and sit next to him, watch him be, tell me about all the people and things he's proud of, I can't help but be content with spending this time with him and knowing how much it means.